– Them.
– Which ones?
– The big red ones.
– Oh, you’re not having them, sweetheart. Look at the size of ’em.
– Oh, come on, Mum. You said.
– No, Shaun, they look like thug boots. They’re awful.
– Come on, Mum. You promised me.
– Why don’t you get some of them that you’ve got in blue?
– Cos I don’t like these. I want them ones, Mum. Come on. You promised.
– They’ll rub on your shin. They’ll only be about that.
– Be better in my size. Come on. Where is she?
– Right. Well, that was nice timing. I spoke too soon.
– I hurt my shoulder back there. Been ferreting about for ages.
– Are you all right, love?
– Pulled something in my shoulder. Now, then, if I can just have that for a second…
– Let me have that, sweetheart.
– I want to hold it.
– I’ll just have that.
– Mum, shall I just…?
– Yeah. I’ll just put that down there. Ducky, darling, the ones that you’re looking at, these boots…
– Yeah?
– …now, they’re adult sizes and you’re a size four. But these have just come in from London. Are you ready for these? These are fantastic.
– What the…?
– Oh, look at them, Shaun. They’re absolutely lovely.
– Do you want to hold one? There.
– Oh, my God.
– They’re nice, aren’t they?
– They’re lovely, them.
– Oh, they look lovely.
– Try ’em on.
– Where’s the “Doc Marten” sign? These ones, cos they’re special and they’re from London, they don’t have the Doc Marten sign on these – they’re too special for that.
– It says “Tompkins” in it.
– The ones from London say Tompkins.
– Everywhere else say “Dr Martens”.
– I love them.
– These ones are special.
– Do you sell a lot of them?
– Yeah. Go like hot cakes. Do you want to try one on? Shall we?
– I fucking want them.
– If you swear… I’m sorry.
– It’s all right.
– Shaun, don’t swear.
– I want them ones.
– Listen, you can…
– I don’t want them.
– Chicken, don’t upset your mum, eh? Let’s try ’em on.
———————————————————————
– Are you ready, Shaun?
– Yeah.
– Are you sure?
– Yeah.
– You don’t seem very confident.
– Just do it.
– Your mum’s not gonna come round, is she, and whack my door down?
– No. Just fricking do it.
– Right. Here we go.
– Get that mop off.
– It’s coming. It’s coming off.
– Oh, eh. Ooh! Flippin’ heck. Eh. You have a right pink head.
– We’re getting going now.
– Stop fidgeting.
– You’re doing a good job, mate.
– Oh, mate, it looks better already, that. Don’t it, Milk?
– Definitely. Definitely.
– You’re looking good.
– Head down. Oh, there’s loads of it.
– It’s just never-ending. Don’t be rough with him, Lol. He’s only a baby.
– Put your head up.
– You just told me to put it down, Lol.
– And what an hairline, girls, eh?
– Don’t forget that bit. I can see it. Honestly, mate, it’s sterling. Get it off.
– Really smart, in’t he? In’t he smart, eh?
– He does look good.
– Mate, I’m well impressed. There we go, mate. That’s you done. Look at that!
– Brush him down. He looks like a Yeti!
– Oh, mate, so smart, that. That’s good, that. Honestly, mate, you look sterling.
– So, am I in the gang now?
– Well, not yet. Get your shirt on. Let’s see your Ben Sherman.
– I… I ain’t got a Ben Sherman.
– You telling me you’ve not got a shirt?
– No.
– You told me to get jeans and the boots. Are you having a laugh?
– You can’t go out all nipply, can you? You’re gonna have to come back next week. I’ll see you, mate.
– Honestly, have I really gotta go?
– Yeah, really, really. Go on. You’re gonna have to get off. Shut t’door behind you, there’s a good lad.
– Oh, hang on, I forgot about summat. I were fucking lying! Come here and give me a big hug. Come here, fella. I’m really proud of you, mate. You look brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Get that body covered up before t’girls go mad!
– Ooh! Amazing. Bang on.
– Lol picked that for you.
– Look at that.
– It’s a good fit, that. It’s a good fit. Let’s have a look at you. Ah, mate. What a transformation!
– He looks dead cute.
– Pleased with it?
– Look at that. Ah, mate. Bloody hell, here he is. Gadget! Look at this.
– What? Who are you? Oh-ho-ho, Shaun! Oh-ho-ho! Look at that. Come here. That’s it. Good lad, Gadge. Well done, mate.