© 2013 Miro Roman

Wild Wild West, 1998

WILD WILD WEST

Story by

Jim Thomas & John Thomas

Screenplay by

S.S. Wilson & Brent Maddock

and Jeffrey Price & Peter S. Seaman

Based on the Television Series
“Wild Wild West”

REVISED FINAL DRAFT

May 14, 1998
WARNER BROS. © 1998
4000 Warner Boulevard WARNER BROS.
Burbank, California 91522 All Rights Reserved

Rev. 4/9/99

THE WILD WILD WEST

FADE IN:

A1 EXT. ALFALFA FIELD – NIGHT A1

A slight breeze gently sways the green and purple crop.
The CHIRP of CICADA is the only sound.

SUPERIMPOSE: 1868 – ST. TAMMANY PARISH, LOUISIANA

But suddenly the CHIRPING GETS LOUDER and LOUDER —
BZZZZZ! — until we realize it’s not the cicadas, but
a —

SWOOOSH! A lethal, razor-sharp DISC BUZZES up over the
horizon, swoops TOWARD the CAMERA and OUT OF FRAME!

The CAMERA SPINS AROUND to see the disc flying away,
chasing a man, THADDEUS MORTON, wearing a strange
metallic collar — exhausted, horrified, about to die.

NEW ANGLE – MORTON

He looks over his shoulder, panting — he’s been running
forever.

MORTON
(mumbling)
Madman… Hideous spider… Run…
Run! Warn the President…

Morton zig-zags through a grove of trees, a desperate
attempt to avoid the horrible serrated disc. But the
ruse is futile. The disc goes straight through the
trees, slicing a path straight as the crow flies.

NEW ANGLE – OLD WAGON

dilapidated, broken down, weathering away in the field.
Morton runs around the wagon — but the DISC BUZZES
straight through the sideboards! Wood shavings spit
everywhere! There’s no stopping this thing.

NEW ANGLE – MORTON

running for his life — stops, turns. He turns,
incomprehensibly mumbling, pleading for his life,
cowering.

MORTON
Noooooooo!!!!!

(CONTINUED)

WILD WILD WEST – Rev. 4/9/99 2.

A1 CONTINUED: A1

And the DISC SWOOSHES TOWARD the CAMERA — BZZZZZZZ!

CUT TO:

BLACK

DISSOLVE TO:

NIGHT SKY FULL OF STARS – LOW ANGLE

A man leans INTO FRAME. This is GENERAL McGRATH. And
he’s there to collect the silver death disc.

McGRATH
(to the unseen,
dead Morton)
And they says you scientists are
supposed to be smart.

1 EXT. DUSTY ROAD – LOW ANGLE – NIGHT 1

HOOVES THUNDER by. Then bouncing, skidding wagon wheels.
Up on the empty buckboard is a pair of murderous ex-Rebs.
As the Rebs pass a pint of whisky, lash the six-horse
team on, PAN WITH the wagon to see it’s headed for…

2 EXT. WATER TOWER – NIGHT 2

SALOON GIRL (O.S.)
The legendary Captain James West
and I finally got him all to
myself.

3 INT. WATER TOWER – NIGHT 3

WEST is bathing with the beatiful SALOON GIRL.

WEST
That’s right, sugar, and you
should feel free to treat him
just bad.

She moves in and kisses him, long and hard. West hears
the CLATTER of the APPROACHING WAGONS. He stops the
kiss and peeks out the knothole.

4 EXT. WAREHOUSE – WEST’S POV THROUGH KNOTHOLE – NIGHT

Down below, West sees the wagon with the Rebs.

WILD WILD WEST – Rev. 4/9/99 3.

5 INT. WATER TOWER – NIGHT 5

WEST
(to himself)
General McGrath’s boys. I thought
y’all was never gonna show up.

SALOON GIRL
Mister West, you wouldn’t be here
workin’ tonight, now would you?

WEST
No, no. ‘Course not. Not tonight.
Would you be working if you were up
here with you?

SALOON GIRL
Good.

They start kissing again. He surreptitiously peeks out
the knothole, while continuing his kiss.

6 INT. FAT-CAN CANDY’S – NIGHT 6

This two-story, Victorian building across town is a
“gentlemen’s sporting house” in name only. Drunken
roughnecks and ex-Confederate soldiers goose and maul
the rouged-up tarts.

AT BAR – WOMAN

shrinks back from the moronic ribaldry. The Toulouse
Lautrec lighting only accentuates her garish hair and
makeup, identifying her as a SOILED DOVE. A whore — not
to put too fine a point on it. She’s trying not to make
eye contact with two men seated at a table across the
parlor.

SOILED DOVE’S POV – GEN. McGRATH AND HUDSON

HUDSON is a fearsome-looking Indian in a well-tailored
suit. Long black braids descend incongruously from under
a homburg hat. As for his companion…

McGRATH is a mountain of drunken pus. Six foot, sweating
like a Devonshire hog with his tattered, undersized
Confederate dress jacket buttoned all the way to the top.
His ear has been hacked off and replaced by what looks to
be a miniature leather Victrola horn. McGrath smiles at
our Soiled Dove and makes a little kissing gesture.

(CONTINUED)

WILD WILD WEST – Rev. 4/9/99 4.

6 CONTINUED: 6

ANGLE ON SOILED DOVE

Eyes widened in revulsion. What evil abides in this
Godforsaken place? Now a drunkenly EYE-CROSSED REB
licks Dora’s ear, then whispers something in it.
Something unspeakably vile, by Dora’s expression.

DORA
I’m sorry. That won’t be
possible. I have… tonsillitis.

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