“Two gin-scented tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother.”
George Orwell, 1984
Effective Date: 09.11.2024
Privacy is dead. Regardless! as a fellow internet lurker such as yourself, my dear user, I am committed to protecting your privacy. This Privacy Policy explains how The Ivo Group, under my behalf, gets to collect, use, discloses, and safeguard your personal information when you visit this website, use our services, or engage with us in other ways.
By using this website, you consent to the practices described in this policy. No margin for negotiation.
By the way, this policy is totally not AI-generated. Wink, wink.
1. Information I get to collect
We at Ivo’s Amazing Commodities may or may not collect the following types of personal information:
- Personal Identification Information: Name, surname, email address, phone number, blood type, favorite food, et cetera.
- Usage Data: Information about how you access and use this website, such as IP addresses, browser types, operating systems (it better be Linux or else), pages visited, and time spent on the website.
- Cookies: I like cookies. Yummers.
In general, the information I get from you is but a fraction of what TikTok gets when you install their app on your phone.
2. How I, The Great Ivo, use your information
We use the personal information we collect for the following purposes:
- To provide, maintain, and improve the blog and our services.
- To personalize your experience and respond to your inquiries or requests.
- To send you newsletters, promotional materials, or other communications (if you have opted in, which you should do). There might be cat videos involved.
- To monitor and analyze website usage to improve our content and services.
- To comply with legal obligations and protect our rights.
Basically, I do whatever I want with it and you can’t do anything against it
3. How I share your information
While I do not sell, rent, or trade your personal information, I can still share it under the following circumstances:
- Service Providers: I may share your data with third-party vendors, contractors, or service providers who perform services on our behalf, such as hosting, analytics, payment processing, or marketing.
- Legal Compliance: I may disclose your information if required by law or to comply with legal processes, such as a subpoena or court order.
- Business Transfers: In the unlikely event of a merger, acquisition, or sale of all or part of The Ivo Foundation, your personal information may be transferred as part of that transaction. But that wouldn’t happen unless I lose a poker bet or something.
4. Your rights and choices
Depending on your location, you may have the following rights regarding your personal data:
- Access: You have the right to request access to the personal data we hold about you. Either way, there’s not much point in doing so because you do know where you live anyways.
- Correction: You may request that I update or correct any inaccurate or incomplete information. What can I say, I’m also prone to writing typos every now and then.
- Deletion: You may request the deletion of your personal information, subject to certain legal exceptions. I also have the right to refuse as I deem fit.
- Opt-Out of Marketing Communications: You can opt-out of receiving promotional emails by contacting us directly… Honestly, I actually don’t even know if there’s a way to unsubscribe.
- Cookies: You can control cookies through your browser settings. Please note that disabling cookies may affect your experience on this website. (It makes me sad when no cookies.)
5. Data security
You should be aware by now that data stored online is 100% secure. So if some bloke decides to hack ETH’s servers (and possibly this website as well)… well, I won’t be able to do anything about it. Womp, womp.
6. Third-Party links
This website contains a couple of links to third-party websites or services that are not owned or controlled by us. We at The Ivo Corporation are not responsible for the privacy practices or content of these third-party sites. We encourage you to review the privacy policies of any third-party websites you visit.
7. International data transfers
If you are located outside of Switzerland, please be aware that your information may be transferred to, and processed in, Switzerland where our servers and operations are based. By using our services, you consent to the transfer of your personal information to Switzerland.
8. Children’s privacy
I doubt there’s any kids accessing this blog. Like, adult or not, who even cares? Anyways, here’s what a certain program determined is the most likely entry to be written in this Privacy Policy page:
This site is not intended for children under the age of 13. We do not knowingly collect personal information from children under 13. If we learn that we have collected personal information from a child under 13, we will take steps to delete that information.
iPad kids at restaurants annoy the hell out of me. Well, kids are kids, but as a parent one shouldn’t get their child hooked on dopamine in order to stay still… But this isn’t the place for me to rant.
9. Changes to This Privacy Policy
I can update this policy whenever I feel like it. If it happens, the “Effective Date” at the top of the page shall be updated. You’re encouraged to review this policy periodically (about once a week) to stay informed about how we are protecting your information.